Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It's shark week go big or go home
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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