but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
