youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
