The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
