Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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