your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
