he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
