so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
