I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
