My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
