ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
