Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
