i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
