smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
