I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
