I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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