I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You can't special order awesome
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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