If that was your dad, he is hot
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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