our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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