I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
