My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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