i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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