Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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