Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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