Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
