I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
