My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My feet surprised me
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
