Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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