Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
