Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
lets start a swedish sibling band together
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
