happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
