I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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