are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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