i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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