I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
