I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
