I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
being pregnant is like rehab
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
