I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
