If that was your dad, he is hot
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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