even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
