Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
