that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
