conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
