how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
