you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
