you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
