he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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