she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
