apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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