what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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